:)

"Don't be so busy planning the life you're going to have, that you fail to appreciate the one you already have."

LISTEN

So, my mom just called me to ask when I was going to pick up some mail from her house. Apparently, my radiology bill for my HSG went to her house. She asked what the bill was for. We don't have the closest, best relationship, so I really don't like to tell her things if I don't have to. I did mention to her a few months back of our hardships with TTC and that we'd be doing some tests over the next few months. See, the problem with my mom is that she likes to talk about her problems and issues and how her life is so sad. She  NEVER lets you talk, or my mistake, she'll let you talk for a short second and then she will magically switch the conversation back to her issues. Anyway, I am just upset that when she asked what the bill was for and I tried reminding her how I mentioned this a few months ago to her, she had absolutely no memory of this. WTF?! Really?! Then she goes on to say I shouldn't drink anymore. Ummm...excuse me? Since when do I have a drinking problem? Yes, I drink on occasion like the next person, but I'm far from an alcoholic. I'm trying to look at it like she's giving me advice, but that's hard to do when I know how she is.

Anyway, TTC update --- focusing on my health right now. I have high blood pressure. Ugh.

Thanks for reading. ;-/

HELL YES!

I quit my job today! Am I feeling a little scared? Yuuuup! I know we will get through it. There was just too much going on in my life that was making me crazy. This company was just too unethical and unlawful for me to stay. I can't fully control having babies, but I can control other aspects of my life...I'm educated and skilled and I know that I will be okay in my career. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders already...Feeling empowered...Feeling inspired =)

"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

Just mad

Mad at the world...tired of hearing everyone else get pregnant...tired of crying my eyes out...feeling like husband doesn't feel the same sometimes...feeling alone...hitting a low point

Job Search

It's about that time...time to start looking for a new j-o-b! I work in career services currently for a for-profit vocational school. Talk about too much stress! It is just no bueno in this baby making situation. I am for sure leaving this company and never looking back. The expectations they expect of us are flat out ridiculous! The past few nights, I've been waking up in the middle of the night thinking and stressing about work! Not good! I know the education field is just not at it's best right now with budgets and all, but I'm determined to get out of this hell hole. I've been talking it over with the hubby and he agrees. I'll even get back into substitute teaching and tutoring even though it's a little more inconsistent. I just don't think this job is worth my health. My blood pressure is definitely up. I had a missed call from my ob/gyn yesterday. I'm sure she wants to go over my HSG and go over the next steps. I'll be calling her when the office opens and I'll be sure to share what's next. One day at a time...one day at a time...

:)

Faith makes things possible, not easy.  ~Author Unknown

Numb

I had my HSG done today. It was not as bad as I thought! Thank you, Lord! I felt a minimum amount of discomfort. I was able to go to work and did not cramp at all. The doctor/radiologist said things look normal. He said he did not see any blockage. Good news! So, if this is good news and everything looks normal, then tell me why i wanted to cry when I was told the results. I just feel like, "WTH?! Why can't we have a baby then?!" I'm feeling so numb and burned out. All the TTC stuff, demands at work, things for my thesis...ughhh. I'm tired of feeling sad and mad and upset. I'm just tired. :(

Well, on to the next step. I need to call my OB/GYN. Clomid...if that doesn't do it, on to an RE. ;)

"If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough"