It's April!

Wow! It's been a while since I've posted. I wish I were posting good news regarding TTC, but no. Same ol, same ol. No bun in this oven. I actually have not been centering my life on TTC this past month. I've been focusing on good health. I've been eating healthier and working out more. I've got to get this blood pressure down. I do plan on making an appointment in May to start Clomid. This month is the hubby's birthmonth and I want him to enjoy! I hope all you fellow TTC'ers are having good luck! Best wishes. ;)

:)

"Don't be so busy planning the life you're going to have, that you fail to appreciate the one you already have."

LISTEN

So, my mom just called me to ask when I was going to pick up some mail from her house. Apparently, my radiology bill for my HSG went to her house. She asked what the bill was for. We don't have the closest, best relationship, so I really don't like to tell her things if I don't have to. I did mention to her a few months back of our hardships with TTC and that we'd be doing some tests over the next few months. See, the problem with my mom is that she likes to talk about her problems and issues and how her life is so sad. She  NEVER lets you talk, or my mistake, she'll let you talk for a short second and then she will magically switch the conversation back to her issues. Anyway, I am just upset that when she asked what the bill was for and I tried reminding her how I mentioned this a few months ago to her, she had absolutely no memory of this. WTF?! Really?! Then she goes on to say I shouldn't drink anymore. Ummm...excuse me? Since when do I have a drinking problem? Yes, I drink on occasion like the next person, but I'm far from an alcoholic. I'm trying to look at it like she's giving me advice, but that's hard to do when I know how she is.

Anyway, TTC update --- focusing on my health right now. I have high blood pressure. Ugh.

Thanks for reading. ;-/

HELL YES!

I quit my job today! Am I feeling a little scared? Yuuuup! I know we will get through it. There was just too much going on in my life that was making me crazy. This company was just too unethical and unlawful for me to stay. I can't fully control having babies, but I can control other aspects of my life...I'm educated and skilled and I know that I will be okay in my career. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders already...Feeling empowered...Feeling inspired =)

"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

Just mad

Mad at the world...tired of hearing everyone else get pregnant...tired of crying my eyes out...feeling like husband doesn't feel the same sometimes...feeling alone...hitting a low point

Job Search

It's about that time...time to start looking for a new j-o-b! I work in career services currently for a for-profit vocational school. Talk about too much stress! It is just no bueno in this baby making situation. I am for sure leaving this company and never looking back. The expectations they expect of us are flat out ridiculous! The past few nights, I've been waking up in the middle of the night thinking and stressing about work! Not good! I know the education field is just not at it's best right now with budgets and all, but I'm determined to get out of this hell hole. I've been talking it over with the hubby and he agrees. I'll even get back into substitute teaching and tutoring even though it's a little more inconsistent. I just don't think this job is worth my health. My blood pressure is definitely up. I had a missed call from my ob/gyn yesterday. I'm sure she wants to go over my HSG and go over the next steps. I'll be calling her when the office opens and I'll be sure to share what's next. One day at a time...one day at a time...

:)

Faith makes things possible, not easy.  ~Author Unknown

Numb

I had my HSG done today. It was not as bad as I thought! Thank you, Lord! I felt a minimum amount of discomfort. I was able to go to work and did not cramp at all. The doctor/radiologist said things look normal. He said he did not see any blockage. Good news! So, if this is good news and everything looks normal, then tell me why i wanted to cry when I was told the results. I just feel like, "WTH?! Why can't we have a baby then?!" I'm feeling so numb and burned out. All the TTC stuff, demands at work, things for my thesis...ughhh. I'm tired of feeling sad and mad and upset. I'm just tired. :(

Well, on to the next step. I need to call my OB/GYN. Clomid...if that doesn't do it, on to an RE. ;)

"If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough"

Hysterosalpingography (HSG)

Yes...finally going in tomorrow. I'm nervous, but I want it over with and I want to move on in the process. I'm happier this time since the hubby took the day off to take me. Crossing my fingers that I don't cramp too much after because I do have to go to work in the afternoon. I'd really rather not go in, but there is so much to be done. Work is simply a whole other issue...lol...such is life! I'll post results tomorrow.

:)
(that's a nervous smile)

Case of the Tuesdays

I really do not want to go into work today. I'm feeling stressed and not liking my new director. That's the last thing I need in life is more stress...definitely not good for baby making. I am trying to get my head out of this negative place. *sigh*

I saw this on a friend's FB the other day -

While you’re hating your life just because you can’t get what you want, someone is praying to have a life like yours.

It's sometimes hard to be thankful and content when things just are not going as planned. It's easy to sit there and cry and be upset (which I did the other day because I had to let it out). I know I just have to keep going and keep trying and keep aiming for positive change. 

Thanks for reading...needed a quick vent session :)

Go away rain

It's raining! I didn't see that coming. Well, thought I'd post a feel-good song. I'm determined to have a fun day with the hubby despite the rain and despite the fact that AF is here (a few days early). Booooo...

Just curious...

Has anyone sought help from a Marriage Family Therapist or other mental health professional during the hardship of TTC? Please feel free to share. Sometimes I feel like the hubby and I can use the help to assist us in dealing.

Thanks! :)

Simply Blessed

I'm feeling super blessed today. Life is too great to not be happy. Sure, life isn't perfect, but there's so many ups compared to the downs. For those of you off today for the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday, ENJOY! 


Some of my fave MLK, Jr. Quotes ---


Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.


Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'

Needing Inspiration

Romans 12:12  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.


Simple, yet sufficient. 


;)

Weird Morning

So, I thought I was going to have my actual hysterosalpingogram done today. I guess this appointment was for a referral to the radiologist. What a bust! Talk about a miscommunication with the Medical Assistant that booked my appointment. Well, I am frustrated, but relieved in a way. I was super anxious this morning, but I wish it was done and over. Anyway, according to the doctor, she highly thinks that no blockage will be shown because I have no symptoms indicating that is what the problem is. She went on to say 30% of infertility is unexplained. I do not know if that makes me feel better or worse. Hmm...keeping positive...all I can do...

What I Really Want to Say

When people ask the dreaded questions about us having kids, I usually laugh it off and say we're trying or we hope soon.

What I really want to say is...

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M NOT PREGNANT YET!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!
I HAVE TO DO A BUNCH OF INVASIVE A$$ TESTS AND PROCEDURES THAT ARE NOT AT ALL FUN!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HUBBY!
I DON'T KNOW WHY GOD'S GIVEN ME THIS PATH!
I'M SICK OF PEOPLE IN MY BUSINESS!
I'M SICK OF PEOPLE ASKING ME!
I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL GET PREGNANT BECAUSE I'M NOT A PSYCHIC!
I DON'T CARE IF SO&SO IS PREGNANT!
I KNOW I'M GETTING OLDER AND IT'LL GET HARDER!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
GET A LIFE!
F*** OFF!

Just sayin'