2012

2011 was a great year. Our Baby Bubba did not come, but that's ok. Maybe he/she will be made in 2012. I sure hope so. I am getting restless with all the trying and waiting. I feel stronger though entering 2012. I have this outlet for my venting and ranting and random thinking. I have found a network of ladies going through the same difficult journey. I actually have not cried in about a month. That may sound funny, but I have been a leaky foucet feeling sad and depressed when I would find out someone got pregnant without "trying" while the hubby and I are struggling. Thank you for all you supporters out there. You have given me the realization that I am not alone in this fight. You have given me strength and hope through your stories. You have given me reason to continue trying to have a child. Hope you all have a wonderful, prosperous 2012!!!

Wordless Wednesday

My Fur Son! <3 Keeps me happy and sane!

2 Week Wait

The 2 week wait...you're just hoping and praying and wishing for the ultimate best. Then she shows up. Stupid Aunt Flow. What a B!tch.

On a lighter note, here's a cool site - http://www.twoweekwait.com/ - a little support tool.

:-/

Survived the Interrogation

So, the hubby and I were anticipating all kinds of interrogation questions regarding trying to conceive. Only 1 person asked the entire Christmas weekend! Woohoo! Lol. I am glad people did not ruin the Christmas festivities by asking us if we are pregnant, or why we are not yet pregnant. We really did not want to think about being childless for another Christmas. Thankful the weekend was enjoyable!

Anyway, back to work tomorrow. Fun stuff (sarcastic tone)...I think the weekend cannot come soon enough. I am excited for ringing in 2012. I feel confident that 2012 will be an awesome one. ;)

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas to all! What a lovely day! I'm sure a lot of TTC couples wish they had the present of a baby. I sure do! Well, as the year is winding down, I feel like the in the upcoming year, the hubby and I will have more answers from our doctors and will know what directions to take. Until then, I can't help but enjoy good times with family and friends. Thank you Lord for your great blessings! Have a wonderful Christmas and hope Santa brings you all something special! :)

Christmas Time

I love this time of the year! One thing for sure is that I miss my dad. His birthday was on Christmas day. He passed when I was a teenager...you know...the years when you push you're parents away because life is all about your friends. I wish he were still alive because I think we would have been close after the teenage years. Lol. Seriously, I think he would have been proud of my accomplishments and who I turned out to be.

Anyway, I'm done with Christmas shopping. I just need to get some groceries for the desserts I'm baking. Ugh...kind of dreading the crazy crowds and frantic people. Lol. Well, happy holidays!

What if

Just reading through blogs of other people that are suffering from infertility...I have a great respect for those that are so eager to have children and have a family that they are ready to turn to adoption. I have not thought that far ahead in my journey, but what if I was not able to have children of my own and what if I ultimately did not want to adopt? I understand that adoption would help a child without a family, but is it wrong for me to not have adoption as an option? I feel a little bad. If the hubby and I could not have our own children, would it be wrong to just enjoy each other's company? If we decided to just travel the world and live the way things are now, would that be selfish? Are there other infertile couples out there that tried to conceive, were unsuccessful, and just eventually lived life without adoption? I am not 100% certain on how I feel about adoption as an option. I suppose I have a lot of reflection to do in the event that we can not conceive. Hmmm...

A Dream...

I had a dream last night that I was at the hospital and in labor. It's an obvious dream, but just thought I would look up a dream interpretation for fun...

"If you are a woman and dream that you are in labor indicates your desire to be pregnant and to start a family. To experience or feel labor pains or Braxton Hicks contractions in your dream indicate the anticipation of hard work ahead. If you are actually pregnant, then the dream serves as a rehearsal for the actual birth. The dream is trying to prepare you for labor and proper breathing."

It felt so real when I woke up. *sigh* I have to admit, I'm feeling a little sad right now. What a great Christmas present that would be to be pregnant...it'll happen...one day...

Home Sweet Home

We got back from New York last night. We had the best time ever! It's such a beautiful city. It was a much needed vacay.

I find it interesting that since the hubby and I are childless/not yet pregnant, I often think if I will even be a good parent. Will I have the patience? I get scared and it's easy to get scared of the unknown. When we were at the baggage claim in the airport last night, there was a couple with their young daughter waiting next to us. The little girl was obviously tired and started acting out. She was real fussy and was screaming and crying at the top of her lungs. It made me feel uneasy. What would I do if that were me? How would I handle that?

On the way home, my hubby actually brought up the screaming child. He totally expressed the same questions that were running through my mind. We talked about how we'd handle the situation. We totally had a game plan. Lol. It was pretty cool. It made me think that we can do the parent thing if God allows. I think that maybe this wait is God's way of preparing us. It's His way of making us stronger for the journey. We shall see. We are back to reality, so back to the baby making. Keep posted. :)

Bubba? Who or what is a Bubba?

So, my blog is titled "Where are you Baby Bubba?". Then it says, "The Bubbas are trying to have their very own Baby Bubba". Well, my hubby and I have always called each other Bubba. It's our pet names for each other. You know...just like "baby" or "honey" or "sweetheart". Ours happens to be Bubba. Through the 10 years we've been together, our friends and family members simply know us as "The Bubbas". It's only natural that our offspring would be a Baby Bubba. LOL. Just some bits and pieces of fun info...

Have a beautiful Sunday! ;P

Countdown

We'll be leaving for our New York trip on Tuesday!!! We have a ton of stuff to do this weekend! Eeeek! I'm so excited to have time with the hubby. Being away and having fun will definitely mentally prepare me for all the nosey relatives and friends at upcoming holiday gatherings. The ones that ask what, where, when, why, how in regards to us conceiving. ;)

Well, we have a lot of prep and planning to do for our trip. Enjoy your Friday!!!

:-/ Appointment Set

So, just set my appointment for a Hysterosalpingogram.  I can't even pronounce it. LOL. I'm scared, nervous, but feeling positive that taking these steps will give me more answers and directions on what to do next. 


Yesterday was a weird day. I don't have the best relationship with my mom. We actually had a small falling out and haven't talked in a while. I called her yesterday because I wanted to see if a package I ordered was delivered to her house (it's better and safer to get things delivered there because she's retired and home and who knows what would happen here at our apartment complex). I also wanted to say thank you for a gift card she gave me for my birthday (actually she gave it to my sister to give me). LOL. Anyway, she was happy to hear from me and was all trying to plan dinner with my hubby because she hasn't seen us in a while. I was a bit surprised. I felt like a little weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Then, I told my sister, Joyce, what happened. She then told me that our other sister, Grace, was saying what was up with our mom because she tried bringing a bunch of things to Grace's house. It was stuff that was Grace's and she also brought belongings of my hubby and I. My mom told Grace that we never come over anyway and tried to leave our stuff there! Grace was like WTH? When Joyce told me, I was so furious. I felt so stressed out AGAIN! I started yelling at my hubby like who does that? I guess I was more stressed out about the fact that my graduate portfolio has been in a box and if she threw it away or something crazy I would be screwed! I am almost done with my Master's and the last thing I need is to lose important documents. I know you're thinking well, why is it in a box at your mom's? Long story, but in the beginning of the year we short sold a condo that we owned with my brother-in-law. We moved back for a few months with my mom, but realized we just didn't have privacy (she babysits my nephews, my sister is there all the time, she has other guests over). So, we decided to get an apartment and she didn't take it too well. So after moving twice in one year, some things stayed in boxes.


Well, point of the story is that I have been trying to ease up on the stress. I know when trying to conceive stress can hinder the situation. When my friend checked my blood pressure a month ago, it was a little high. I need to watch out for my health, but I just hate how if it's not one thing it's the other! Anyhoo, no worries. The hubby and I have decided to get the remainder of our things tomorrow night from my mom's. One day at a time...one day at a time...


Phew! I didn't expect to have that vent session, but it was therapeutic! 

Everything Happens for a Reason

So, I mentioned yesterday that I would be returning to an old job. There are a couple of new people in our department and they all seem nice. I was telling my hubby about one particular lady that is working with the company now. Strange thing is that she used to work for the company a few years back before I was even there. She left to go to another company and after they laid her off, she decided to return to our current company. I talked to her briefly, here and there, small talk and she mentioned how she has a very hectic schedule especially since she has two young kids (ages 8 and 5). I was a little shocked because she looked a little older (early 50 to mid 50s?) It turns out that she had her first child when she was about 40. She asked me if I had kids and I told her I was married but no kids yet. She started to talk about how her husband and her tried for 10 years before becoming pregnant. She said they did all types of infertility treatments and finally when they were getting ready to give up, she found out she was pregnant. She also said during the time she and her husband were trying, she had so much fun with just the two of them as a couple.

I really tripped out. I couldn't help but think that God was showing me something. I've felt lost...like I had no one around me that could relate. Then here is this person that I am going to be working closely with that has been through it all. I feel comforted in a way. Maybe now, when I have questions or when things arise that's infertility related, I can ask her and hear about her experiences. I honestly feel like God is shedding hope and light on this hard time. I feel like finding my way back to this job and company really had reason. It's actually kind of cool. =)

Monday =D

Today should be interesting. I'm starting my 1st day at an old job. I'm excited to see old friends, but not too excited about the actual work. LOL. I am thankful for a job at these times though.

Later this week I'll be calling my OB/GYN to make an appointment next month. She suggested tests that need to be done if my hubby and I were unsuccessful at TTC over the last few months. I'll keep you posted. I'm ready to be more aggressive in this process. Roughly 20% of infertility is unexplained, so she says...need to make moves and rise above being this statistic.

Godspeed! (Heard that in a movie last night LOL)

Ehhh...

I know the whole TTC thing can be emotionally draining. I think it kinda messed with my self-esteem. Lol. I feel more needy and self-conscious. As I'm thinking this and typing this, it's sounds crazy...even funny, but I guess it makes sense. Ah well...I'm a mess these days. One day I'm fine, then the next I'm screwed.

I know I have great people in my life, but sometimes I feel like I'm alone. Some friends have kids and do the family thing...others don't have kids and do the party thing...feeling like I don't completely belong to one or the other. I guess this is because I want to do the family thing, but can't, so I'm stuck with the party folks. Lol. I need some TTC/Infertile couple friends. Ehhh...

:(

A Lovely Day

Today was absolutely grand. I was a little concerned that I'd be weirded out by all the "When are you gonna have a baby?" questions at the baby shower we attended, but I think the hubby and I handled it well. We simply said hopefully next year will be the year and changed the subject. We are still finding things out about us and our infertility issues, so until we truly know, we will not be able to give full on answers.

Being surrounded by good friends and loved ones made my day though. Sometimes I feel selfish for having days where I cry and become saddened by the fact that we haven't gotten pregnant yet. I have a wonderful husband, huge and loving family, and awesome friends. I'm blessed. I'm thankful. Good night to a lovely day.

:)

Cheers to Friday --- and Kinda Saturday

I love Fridays! It's the most unproductive day of the work week. Lol. Ever since I started this blog, I've been feeling more upbeat. Cheers to Fridays and positive vibes! It is very much needed.

Tomorrow the hubby and I will be attending a baby shower. Let the "When are you guys having one?" comments begin...again. The hubby and I have decided that this time around, we are going to be a little more straight with people. We've tried dodging the questions for the past 2 years since we've started TTC. We'd say things like, "We are gonna travel first" or "When I turn 30" or "We are still enjoying the honeymoon stage". Yeah well...those are starting to lose its effect now that it's been almost 3 years since we've been married, since I just turned 30, and since we've done a good amount of traveling. So, our response to the ever-so-dreaded "When are you guys having one?" will simply be, "We are trying, so hopefully soon, but we'd rather not talk about it now." I think it's straightforward and it gives off that awkward feel to not go on with the conversation. Lol. I just have to say it without sounding like a b!tch, rolling my eyes, or having watery eyes! Well, I'll keep you updated on how it goes. It's going to be our line through the many holiday and social events we will be attending this month. We should master it. ;)

Anyhoo, cheers to Friday!!!

That Common WTF Feeling...

Venting...

So all over the internet, I'm finding these article headlines about Kourtney Kardashian being pregnant again. I'm sure this is a common thought for women/couples that are infertile/trying to conceive, but "What the F***?" My hubby and I have tried our hardest to do things the "right way"...Finish college, get married, become financially stable...and hopefully, have children. This reality star is in a jacked up relationship to a loser and is rich and famous for reasons I'm not sure of and boom! She's pregnant and didn't even try.

I try to stay sane believing that God has a plan for me and for my husband. I stay hopeful that we are on the brink of greatness in our lives. Becoming parents might be our calling or just having one another might be our destiny. Either way, I need to find peace with that. I'm trying and I'm getting there. I'm trying not to let the fact that others get pregnant at the drop of a dime frustrate me. It's tough though. I don't have much inspiration for you all today. This is just a venting session and Whew! I feel better. =)